Have you ever sat back and reminisced on your life?
Thought about how you got to where you are today? About how you would’ve never mapped this out in your five year plan? In some ways you may be disappointed, but in some ways it’s better than you could’ve imagined. I hope that you’re like me - in awe. Grateful. Giddy. Hopeful.
God has done such a work in me over the past five years. When I came to the City, I was crippled in a lot of ways. Like most people, I came to New York looking for fame, success, love, significance. I bounced between who I wanted to be and who I was designed to be. I was trying to weave together a story that I wanted people to see - whether it was authentic or not. Hiding and dodging and insecurities abounding, that was the name of the game. And let me tell you, it was debilitating keeping it all up.
But as I reflect back, it is SO crystal clear to me what God was doing. How he was working, especially as time passes and I see Him taking tangled threads and frustrations and piece them together to make a creative and beautiful tapestry. I don’t know about you, but I liken God to a romancer. Maybe it’s because I’m a dreamer, bawl over redemptive love stories or because I’m about as sentimental as one can be. (But also put up a pretty tough front so you may not know that.) I am just so comforted by the fact that His glory becomes paramount and that I can’t mess it up.
All those times someone broke my heart. He was glorified in how He healed me, how He showed me that He’s better and how He has higher and grander in store.
Those years I struggled with an eating disorder. He was glorified in the way he brought people into my life to speak truth and goodness over me.
When I thought I was going to lose my job (and then did lose my job). He was glorified in how he patched up and pieced together a career better than what I could’ve imagined in college.
The unmet expectations, still unanswered prayers. He is still being glorified through all of that. He is showing me He doesn’t withhold. He isn’t cruel. He is just and jealous and gracious and wild.
See, He is kinda unpredictable. And while I'd like to know what He’s up to next, watching the tapestry piece together in different colors is a more joyous journey.
So if you feel like God is not listening or not responding or just plain throwing you to the wolves - I can guarantee He’s up to something good. Something that will always end with His glory being shown.